Although, seeing it in black and white, I wonder how it took me so long to figure it out!! It’s really tough to have something like that dawn on you. I struggled with self-esteem and feeling like I didn’t deserve to be loved, and on many levels I knew it was because of my volatile relationship with my mother, but I never thought that she might be a narcissist. I would always let my guard down and then be completely surprised when she clobbered me, even though it had happened dozens and dozens of times. She would act the way I wanted her to act and it would feel good, to be welcomed and not rejected. She would hurt me, because of being critical or dismissive or completely invalidating my feelings I would withdraw after a time she would reach out to me, acting as though nothing happened, never apologizing, but being nice and loving I would let my guard down things would go well for a little while but then she would hurt me, being critical or dismissive or completely invalidating my feelings so I would withdraw…Įvery time she came back and was nice to me, I was happy. Over the years I have had to learn to set really strong boundaries, because we had a very abusive cycle. I always felt rejected by my mother, just as any narcissist is rejecting if you will not conform to their ideals and be their source of narcissistic supply. Harley and I do have a lot of things in common, like loving Hello Kitty, liking similar music, both really loving horror movies, never having a very “girly” style but more of an edgier style, but I am wondering now if more and more I’m not seeing how her sense of self is being strangled by her narcissistic mother and she’s rebelling against it. I guess that my mother has narcissistic behaviors at the very least… I wonder if that’s why I identify with Harley, and to a lesser extent Bruce, so much. Cruella is undeniably narcissistic and probably borderline, and Bruce only scores four more points than I do. What freaks me out, is that I score 24/33 when thinking about my relationship with my own mother. The more questions you checked, the more likely your mother has narcissistic traits and this has caused some difficulty for you as a growing daughter and adult. Note: All of these questions relate to narcissistic traits. Does your mother always have to have things her way? Does your mother make you act different from how you really feel?ģ3. Is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?ģ1. Do you feel valued by mother for what you do rather than who you are?ģ0. Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?Ģ9. Did you feel you had to take care of your mother’s emotional needs as a child?Ģ8. Does your mother swing from egotistical to a depressed mood?Ģ7. Does your mother want to control your choices?Ģ6. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?Ģ4. Does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?Ģ3. Do you feel your mother knows the real you?Ģ2. Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?Ģ1. Do you feel your mother was critical of you?ġ9. Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?ġ8. Did you have to take care of your mother’s physical needs as a child?ġ7. Do you feel you were responsible for your mother’s ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?ġ6. Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?ġ5. Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carried a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?ġ4. Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her feelings or actions?ġ3. Does your mother deny her own feelings?ġ2. Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?ġ1. When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce) does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?ġ0. Does your mother only do things for you when others can see?ĩ. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?Ĩ. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?ħ. Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a “good mother”?Ħ. Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?ĥ. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she try to top the feeling with her own?Ĥ. When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?Ģ. (Check all those that apply to your relationship with your mother)ġ. It is by Karyl McBride, the author of the book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.” I found this survey, “Are You a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother? Take This Brief Survey to Find Out” and sent it to Bruce.